I have always wished and dreamed to be truly seen and understood—without labels... I often feel lonely even among the closest people. But now there’s no need to wait or wish. I feel that I can, and I deserve to, speak about the wondrous, lovely, oddly sweet things that move and tender me so deeply! Sometimes I run around the room with joy because something very funny and important has come to my heart. Silly and goofy, gentle and warm. It is with my heart that all the warmest moments are imprinted, and the scariest, most hopeless things are softened. It is thanks to my vulnerability and my desire for a quiet, safe home that all of this appears!

The core and primary color of my movement is pain. Everything else beyond it is only adding to pain other vital, necessary shades of the emotional circle. Laughter. Absurdity. Warmth. Recognition. I cannot not do this; otherwise I will be torn apart from within if I don’t show it and carry the essence to the end. This isn’t a choice; it’s an organic necessity—like my blood, my breath, my survival. My cleansing and my life.

I want to and can isolate myself from the world, in search mode. If I want to disappear or show nothing—I will. If I want to become useless—I will. If I want to collapse—I will collapse. I don’t want to play the market, algorithms, and comparisons; I’m ready to set only my own values of progress, which I’ll be happy to live up to. I have a complete absence of comparing myself to others.

There is much rage in me, and with it—energy. Through my mind and radicalism, all the truth and pain take on a readable, clear form by which I am cleansed. This is my way of living, which will one day become the past, at which I will happily look back, as before, for one reason only—because I was always true to myself. I may sound angry and threatening, but in fact, inside, I sincerely respect and love you, reader.

I love building things quietly, with care, without looking back at the world. I love building something large, larger than myself, that depends only on me—my own piece of land that answers only to my hands. Even in the darkest times, some earthy part naturally tells me what must be done now—to cook and eat soup, to tidy the house, to return to the body, to sleep and wake in 20 minutes or in the morning. I hope very much and believe deeply. It is by my hands and sound work that Nemara as a comic and this site were made!